Boogie Man's Popularity is All Boogied Out

After enjoying a brief period of popularity in the 70's, the Boogie man fell into a deep depression when even fearless astronauts were too scared to face him.

Pedestrians

Sometimes I wonder if pedestrians feel sad when they see me driving my car with a bicycle in back that I'm clearly not using. Then I remember that they are pedestrians and their feelings don't matter. Hurrah!

Sapped

If you keep scaring him like that, he's going to sap himself, and you won't be able to walk away. Joke's on you, asshole!

Triple-A Triple-Tow

If using all three of my AAA Emergency tows at once to get triple-towed is wrong, I don't want to be right.

(Princesses ride in back.)

How to Mimic the Texture of a Canteloupe

You see here, BAXTER, you're supposed to be careful to add the right texture. I'm beginning to think our model of the solar system will never appear to be comically composed of delicious tropical delicacies that might sway the hearts, minds and stomachs of those cantankerous old judges! It'll be third prize for us again...

Dutch

Look me in the eye and tell me that those pointy, overly wide shoes don't give you nightmares! And besides, look at that guy's calves... people with uneven calves are pretty much just waiting for you to turn around so they can shank you real good. I'm not lying. Ever.

Stupid Regular Twin

Next year, we're gettin surgery or something. We gotta conjoin our shit.

Disco Whale

Hope you Scotch-Guarded your armor, there, Sparky, because if you're swimming into the sunset from Wales, the Scots may very well getcha!

Laser Pie

Well, just you take that as a lesson: If you're going to leave a pie unguarded, ensure that the pie has some form of self defense to fall back on! Pies will only be victims if you deign such a fate for them!

Teenage Rebellion

Caving into peer pressure was never Billy's strong suit. Even though I'm not sure if Gramma really counts as a peer.

Mr. Eugene Gangrene

When Eugene tried to sign up for Zombie patrol in the afterlife, he ran into some unexpected difficulties.

A Bird in the Bush Makes an Ass Out of You and Me

But assuming you can get a bird in your hand just makes you lose bets to Fred.

IOU

IOU 1 webcomic.

Modern Tragedy

A frog could be an awesome surfer; but he will never get past all that sand. Thus is bourne the modern tragedy of having naturally sticky fingers and toes.

Mr. Watermelon

They call me Mr. Watermelon. I don't know how it started, and I don't know why, but for as long as I can remember, I've had this yearning, a natural urge to bring Watermelons to the people...

Hungry Eyes

Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' pumped up. Sometimes there ain't nothin' to be pumped up about, but there ain't nothin' wrong with that neither.

Squirt Squirt

If answering machines could use squirt guns, the world as we know it would get a lot angrier.

YAMBO or The Yam's Final Revenge

YAMBO took over the Western Seaboard with the greatest of ease! And also, some other stuff less westerly that got in his way.

Dance Party or Revenge of the Yam part 2

Gross Mom, the Yam had kids and they're hootin' and hollerin'!

Fruit Party or The Yam's Revenge Part 1

Gosh! What a Buzzkill guys! Seriously, did you see his hat?

Decisions, Decisions

The choice is clear. I mean, come on, Royal Flush?! Lois and Henry will never defeat Smokin' Aces 85!!!

Knock Yourself Out

I was just being a good mom. Besides, your car doesn't look like it even works, so let's just sit down for dinner. No hats at the dinner table!

Quadrapillar

Four sides to fail with.

Professor Bunkins

Professor Bunkins knows best in the realms of caring for nest eggs, using calculators, and (probably most importantly) eating cardboard.